By Sujeet Rajan
NEW YORK, FEB. 23, 2023 – So who’s Ann Coulter you may ask? It is a fair question. Not many know her, outside of a miniscule number of far right, older white supremacists, in America. Some vaguely remember her from past appearances as a talking head on conservative media. Others know her from some books she’s written castigating liberals.
She’s popular with some misguided, economically impoverished lot of gun toting, fascist white supremacists who believe, among other fixations that immigration – influx of non-Caucasians, is genocide for America.
It’s a fallacy espoused by Coulter, probably since the day she was born sometime after the end of World War II. She looked up at the white ceiling and decided to paint even the blue sky white one day.
These white supremacists, who most ordinary folks in America discover while snorkeling in the marshes of Louisiana, are a befuddled lot. Some are of the belief Coulter’s dead. For some years she has been persona non grata on mainstream TV. They’re wrong. The spinster’s alive, though barely kicking. God bless her!
Coulter, a former lawyer, made a lucrative living writing dubious books disrespectful of Democrats, shaming liberals for their encompassing generosity. Her motivation in life is hating people of color and spreading racism and xenophobia.
She’s also been criticized as a consummate liar and a fraud. She lied about her age, pretends to be younger. To look animated on some TV shows, she probably put ice cubes on her chair seat, or straddled a bucking horse while speaking. Whatever. She’s probably close to 70 years. She’s also been accused of indulging in shameless plagiarism.
Worst of all, Coulter is the veritable termite who’s gnawing away at the very foundation and core of America’s democracy and ethos with her biased lying, and calculated raving and ranting against immigrants of color.
Coulter is an insurrectionist in plain sight who spews vile vitriol as inflammable as methane gas from a landfill. Unfortunately, unlike those convicted or on trial for the January 6 Capitol attack, she’s yet to be punished for her stance to destroy the fabric of America’s democracy. Her deranged vilification of individuals of color because of her own insecurities, is reprehensible.
Years ago, like the evil queen in Snow White, Coulter admired herself daily in a talking mirror. The truthful mirror told the wildly fabricating contrarian she’s the unfairest of them all. Coulter loved to hear that; clapped her hands gleefully, did an ecstatic spiral dance.
The mirror spurned her eventually. It sermonized to her what Don Lemon quipped about Nikki Haley not being in her prime at age 51. Coulter, who’s around two decades older than that, screeched like unhinged bats.
The chastened Lemon, in repentance, may write a book eulogizing the life of María Branyas Morera – the oldest woman in the world at 115. In her angst, Coulter smashed the mirror.
Of course, humans can’t hear her echolocation lamentations, as she gets older. It didn’t help that Coulter’s at that age when even blepharoplasty could be futile, like trying to put soap on craggy rocks to give it a smooth face. Every time she lies, a wrinkle is added to her face.
Nowadays, Coulter – if at all you choose to hear her drivel on obscure podcast shows, which would be akin to those in the northeast missing a vacation flight to the Bahamas to instead watch the annual Rose Bowl game on TV – comes across as a rambling and mortified ghost in tears.
She seems appalled at the futility of trying to make zombies of all voters with her spiel. Her stale rhetoric’s as impressive as static, on podcasts. Her frustrations come across as banshee wailing. President Trump has aptly termed Coulter as a ‘wacky nut job.’ That kind of surmises it.
So, without digressing anymore, what did Coulter do for me to write all this?
Last week, on ‘The Mark Simone Show’ podcast, Coulter went on a mindless racist and xenophobic rant against GOP Presidential candidate, former Governor of South Carolina, and UN Ambassador, Haley.
Haley was born in the US to Indian immigrant parents.
Coulter also attacked and denigrated India, as well.
Coulter lambasted Haley for her Presidential bid, and said in her usual anti-immigration bashing style: “Why don’t you go back to your own country?”
She added: “Her candidacy (Haley’s run for President) did remind me that I need to immigrate to India so I can demand they start taking down parts of their history. What’s with the worshipping of the cows? They’re all starving over there. Did you know they have a rat temple, where they worship rats?”
NBC News reported Coulter also called Haley a “bimbo” and a “preposterous creature,” criticizing her for having advocated removing the Confederate flag from the grounds of the South Carolina Statehouse in the wake of the 2015 shooting at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston.
“This is my country, lady,” Coulter said. “I’m not an American Indian, and I don’t like them taking down all the monuments.”
So, let me try analyze why Coulter is jealous of Haley, and why she hates India.
Why Coulter is jealous of Haley
- Haley is the epitome of the woman Coulter has secretly aspired to be all her life. Haley is a shrewd and successful Republican politician, at a young age. It’s hard to see her get the GOP nomination, but she certainly has a shot at the running mate slot. In Coulter’s fantasies – during her four-hour makeup sessions daily, she’s nominated by President Trump as UN Ambassador. She’s the Governor of Florida. She eventually becomes President of the US and throws out all immigrants. Nada. Instead, she got derision, and the boot from Trump. Overnight, she became an outcast even among conservatives. In blue states, she’s like a pariah. Nobody likes her in New York, where she was born, or in Connecticut, where she grew up. Haley’s fame ticker is going up.
- Haley is happily married, with a large family, including children. Coulter is a lonely spinster. She smashed to smithereens the only friend she ever had: the mirror. She realizes by now that most men would rather date a porcupine, than her.
- Haley is a smart, intelligent, and attractive woman. She’s also much more articulate and a better speaker than Coulter. Not to speak of being almost two decades younger, which irks Coulter. If there’s a contest for the ‘All American Girl’ between the two, Haley wins hands down. Coulter gets a one-way flight ticket to Iran.
- Coulter hates Dinesh D’Souza, the only man she’s loved in her life. He was an Indian immigrant. Once she developed feelings for him, she even bought couple of gallons of white paint, to try ‘reform’ him down the road. After he unceremoniously dumped her, Coulter has an animosity for all things connected to India and Indian-origin people. She’s not lost all hope as yet though, nor thrown out those gallons of paint. She has her eyes on Vivek Ramaswamy now, who has thrown his hat in the ring for the Presidential polls.
Why Coulter hates India
- Coulter hates Dinesh D’Souza. Ok, here we go again. Blame it on the Mumbai boy D’Souza. Unfounded rumors have it that D’Souza dumped her one night after he got Coulter to agree to watch a horror film with him. He put on ‘The Blair Witch Project’. Coulter thought D’Souza was planning to watch CNN prime time, which, for her, was the ultimate horror show. She had forgotten to put on makeup that evening. Unfortunately for D’Souza midway through the film he looked at Coulter who was glaring at him. Till this day, he is credited for being the only person who saw the actual ‘Witch’ in the film. He shrieked and bolted from the room, as Coulter yelled at him, “Don’t forget to getaway on your flying carpet, you Indian moron.” D’Souza in his stricken haste to get away, shouted back, ‘Don’t follow me on your broomstick, you hag.”
- After having lived in New York City, Coulter has an aversion for rats. The Karni Mata Temple in Rajasthan where rats are worshipped has probably fewer rats than underneath one of the platforms of a subway train, or basement of some buildings, in the Big Apple. According to some reports, some cities in the US, including NYC and Chicago, regularly feature as the most rat- infested places in the world. Coulter also probably saw the opening scene of the documentary based in Delhi, and a favorite for an Oscar this year, ‘All that Breathes.’ She’s probably had a few nightmares after that.
- Coulter, a Presbyterian by religion, doesn’t like cows, or to drink milk, or eat cheese. She has no clue about Hinduism. She is confused about Christianity too. She would rather worship white supremacists and their ideology of hate.
- Coulter is enraged, and secretly feels inferior to Indians in the US, as they are a much richer community than Presbyterians, and Christians, in general. She claims her ancestors settled hundreds of years ago in the US. Indians needed only a few decades to become the wealthiest community in the US.
(Editorial note: This is a piece of satire and should be read as such.)
(Sujeet Rajan is the Editor-in-Chief of www.indiaoverseasreport.com. Follow him on Twitter @SujeetRajan1)
